my idol, my queen

currently i am into fashion, and also VERY into the 'girl power' concept. i admire women who are famous because of their hard work, their success lead young girls (ME) that if we put in effort, we can achieve our goal. i admire about everyone in the fashion industry and that sounds cray cray. i feel like listing them out in my blog, and here i am, typing all the way, with passion. *ps: there might be some slight changes in the future.

 Of all the fashion designers, there is my queen, Victoria Beckham. and then the all so famous reality-TV star and now making her own name in the model industry, Kendall Jenner. Despite all the dramas in her life, Selena Gomez sure knows how to wreck it. And, i love her since i'm 12, i absolutely love her style, her style is flexible, from hipster to ladylike, from ladylike to streetstyle and her name is Vanessa Hudgens. she is the queen of hipster, and she teaches me to be flexible in fashion, i can see whole lot of different styles through her. and i can't stop my eyes on Zoella outfit. Recently, i am in love with Michelle Phan, she is a blogger, youtuber. and also, in conjunction with the L'Oreal group has launched a cosmetic line called EM by Michelle Phan. she is a very successful woman, she starts from the very bottom and now her net worth is 3 million. and i always will teared up whenever i see her story with her boyfriend Dominique. It is truly BEAUTIFUL. so here it is. :) At last, my biggest idol of all, my mother.maybe there are more in the list and i haven't finish filled it in yet, but it is enough for me now.

obsessions??

my family claims that i am obsessed over branded things. well, i am certainly not 'obsessed', the word 'obsessed' sounds crazy. but i do have a thing towards branded things, its a typical girl thangggg. OK, MAYBE I DO HAVE SOME KIND OF OBSESSION TOWARDS BRANDED THINGS. the reason behind all this is because of the celebrities i looked up to, for example, the Jenner Sisters, Victoria Beckham, Taylor Swift etc are mega rich and often wear over $1000 per outfit. they are fashion icon all over the globe my friends, and i really do admire their sense of style especially Victoria Beckham, she creates her own clothing line, and have a beautiful family with David Beckham. To me,VB Clothing Line is unique, in Victoria's own way. i often watch videos about them, and scan through the outfits, and wanted to recreate it in my own style. then, i found out the existence of Louis Vuitton, Ted Baker, Topshop etc. and that explain a lot why i wanted to buy from Victoria Secret or F21.

Vanessa Hudgens!!!!! She looks so perfect in Coachella 2014!!

my queen, Victoria B

look at Kendall's daily wear, u will never know that shirt could cost over $100

Kendall and Kylie Jenner

outermost shell

in the past, or i may say last year, i have absolute zero confidence about myself.i dont felt confident about me doing anything, i always thought my friends or EVERYONE will hate me, i dare not look into my reflection in mirror in public, i felt embarrassed checking myself because i look ugly, i think  too low about myself. why? well, i got a list of why i am being like that. firstly, as i mention in one of my last post, there was a time where i got bullied because of a certain mole in my face. i had a tough time then, it has been 10years since the incident, but being bullied in such a young age caused damage to my soul, ( it sounds a little dramatic but it is true ). i kept thinking that once people look at me, they will spot my mole, and they will think, "that girl has a mole like an indian." or "that girl with mole on a weird part". and that is reason why when im in a crowded place, i will be the girl looking down like a turkey burying it's head in the ground.
just yesterday, my friend asked me this, "where is the you being 'everybody hates me' been??" well that hits me, in a good way. yeah, i change a lot, my confidence boost into a whole new level. i dont often think like that anymore ( not when i meet new people, and i will be thinking if they spot my mole and thinking my mole is weird ). i had suffered an injury of a lifetime , and had been resting at home for 3 whole months, and also missed a lot of school. during that 3 months, i started to think, i mean think THINK,i think real hard about me, about life, about nature, about the people around me, about EVERYTHING. i felt pathetic thinking what i have been through, always thinking for the worst. maybe it is me growing up, or maybe i hate the old me, OR MAYBEEEE because of youtube. i searched 'what boys hate and likes about girls' and watched ton of videos, gathering tons of information. oh! and looking at all my pictures, looking how i 'evolve' from a lost girl to a, as i may say, woman with big dreams. everybody grows, only in a different timing. i also think a lot about last year when i decided to volunteer myself for handling 'Fashion Show' performance with my friend for our school librarians board annual dinner. and also joining 6 performance in the event. i have volunteered being one of the 4 MCs of the night, singing A Thousand Years with my friend, challenge my acting in dramas, both english and chinese, and lastly dancing. i love them all, i love how responsible i am during the whole process of doing all of the performance. i love how dedicated i am to the events. and that make me wanted to change, i wanted to change for the better, i dont want to live pleasing EVERYBODY and constantly feared of my friends hating me. I WANT TO BE MYSELF FOR MYSELF. PEOPLE WHO DONT LIKE MY DOING, MY ACTIONS, WELL, SCREW U! i am still going to be me. no more for people who dont deserve, they take it for granted, they care for only themselves, i am sick of it, in fact, i felt disgusted thinking like that.
i created a shell, i learned to protect myself. my shell will be as strong as ever, it will protect me from all the society problems. i have buried the 'old' me deep inside of me, its getting deeper and deeper but it will not disappear. it will always remain in my heart, its presence remind me of everything happens for a reason, do not take things for granted, and about my past. the core inside of my shell is getting stronger day by day, and i know deep down, i will conquer that fear and be confident and lastly, be an independent, strong, young lady.

FLAWS

not all people is perfect. and im no celebrity or another, so of course i have flaws, in fact, i have a list of flaws. but im not going to list it all of course, a girl have to remain mysterious. i have this HUGE flaw, i realized i am a very awkward person. i just cant seem to talk like how i write. i just like to write, i guess writing makes me express more of myself, not to care what others thinking. i seriously cannot talk especially through phone, oh.my.god. i dont know what to say nor what to do. and i just noticed i can talk better to girls, i just cannot look people in the eye especially to boys while im talking. i have issues. whenever i look to a boy eyes, my face will flush, i mean APPLE RED FLUSH. i just felt utterly awkward towards boys, but i dont know what to do. i mean i clearly like boys, i just scared that the step that i took will be cause misunderstandings to the boys. i dont have a crush to my boy friends, i want to be a 'brother' like the others, seeing my girl friends being so comfortable with the boys make me envious of them. they can look those boys in the eye, talking to them like they are brothers for years, and me there sitting watching......

my Christian Grey

ok.... i have a habit of staying in the what so-called 'novelland' every after i read finish a novel. i always have an after effect reading novels. i always tend to live in the world of imaginations once i have read finish novels. but this time, its just so real and i am currently under a high emotional state because of 50shades. yeah, call me crazy. but i know me, i know im not crazy, and also, im not currently imagining something sexual with an imaginable man, it is not THOSE stuff im drawn into 50shades. as i mention earlier, its the or so real love story. i just want to be Anastasia and find my Christian Grey, and no, he is not THAT GUY who always want to do SMstuff! he have suffered a bad childhood and under a stupid influence of an older woman when he is in his teens. got that?? some people should just shut up and start reading the book. he is like a dream man to me, he is too perfect and sad. and im still young, i just turned 17 last friday. i dont think i will be finding my Christian Grey anytime soon. but i anticipate the time to arrive. i will live my life to the fullest, enjoy everything, learn my mistakes, learn everything i want, be everything i want to be, and be ME. and like Anastasia mention earlier in the book, 'we have to learn to walk before we run'.i wish i will be meeting a romantic, responsible, lovable, a 'love only me' man, great and loyal and of course experienced man. i have this thing towards over 180cm guys also, because im short and currently stop growing until i reach only 155cm. hahahaha. and to my future Christian Grey, i hope we two will feel the spark between us and be together for the rest of my life. thins are getting a little crazy here.....

50shades

i have been introduced to this novel '50shades' by my friends when im 14. i recalled that this novel have a lot of matured content but very popular, i was young, i dont like 50shades, in fact, i hate it. and then last year, i suddenly developed some curiosity about 50shades and have a big interest of buying the three series of book. i have waited for POPULAR to hold their annual book fair, some of the bestsellers will be discounted. as i may recall. 50shades consist of 3 books, the author have made big because of this, and each book cost me RM35++. if i were to bought in a regular bookstore, it will cost me a hundred bucks for that three series of book, THAT IS FREAKING EXPENSIVE! and by that time, POPULAR book fair have 50shades 3 in 1 pack, only for RM75, my patient is worth it and of course i bought it. i was so exited to read it. i remember its matured content is so intense and real, i remember me being so stuck to this story, of course im not a pervert, i love the love story behind its matured content. the love for Anastasia Steele (or later its Anastasia Grey) and Christian Grey is so..... lovely and sweet. Christian is so 50shades, he had a fucked up childhood, this character written by  E L JAMES is so lovable, so sad. i actually feel in love for Christian, he is so sensitive and sexy and tall and copper coloured hair with some highlights on and serious all the time, control freak etc. but despite all that, he is willing to let go the previous (Dominant)lifestyle he once had before with the other 15submissive and be all hearts and flowers with his life long love Anastasia. Anastasia is one character i respect because of her smart mouth, innocence, her beauty, she is those girls with big dreams and will not abandon it because of a fking rich husband who she love for her whole life and she is a strong woman etc. they have been through what seems like hell in the plot and i love it. i love how E L JAMES wrote it, she is one good damn author. and now they are in the midst of making a movie based on the novel, oh how excited am i!! i am such a huge fan of 50shades, and i have read  50shades TWICE (whom its rare for me reading twice a novel, i dont usually do that ) but words spread, the movie will not be a trilogy but 3 in 1. im like WHAT DA FUQ IS THIS. but thinking through, 50shades may have a lot of sex content and the actor and actress will have a burden doing THOSE stuff. im still pissed, average of how long of a movie is 2hrs. and its a fking 3 in 1 movie, i dont want it to be less that 2 1/2 hrs, it should be 3hrs long or more than it, the story is amazing and i dont see why need to cut out all those amazing storyline. i honestly will write an essay long complain to the authority if the movie is different than in the book. love this book so much, and 50shades is the most anticipated movie in the decade the last time i saw some news youtube video. and i have been
tracking down those 'official' trailer in youtube during my free time, and its just three letters long, H.O.T

beginning

hello, i am just an ordinary girl with the wildest imagination. Let's begin my blog journey shall we?